Emosi Diri

20061009

i should never believe you anymore. you just lie time and time again. i'm tired of always being disappointed. its obvious you dont regard me as a friend. i'm tired of always being the one who's hurt, the one who's left alone, the one whom you find only when you need help. its amazing how many people i actually call my friends, and yet i can only hang out with so few of them, how i can only always see or meet only these people and how all the rest just becomes memories. people just dont seem to remember me when i'm not around, its as if i was never there. and i'm the one who always has to be the good friend and check out how you're doing, talk to you just so you'll remember that i'll always be here for you. but nobody ever realises that. people dont talk to me, they just converse. maybe i'm not a friend at all, and that's why people dont bother. maybe that's why everyone keeps leaving me out. cos i'm not worth it at all. i guess i just realized that no matter how many friends i have, and how hard i try, i'll always be alone and i'll never be part of anything. so here's a huge THANK YOU! to all those who say hi to me first, cos just that one word alone can sometimes make my day. mainly because i dont get it often, and also because i always get ignored even when i attempt to say hi, that i appreciate all those who talk to me and answer me and dont just ignore me like i dont exist. so thank you very very much. and to all the rest who'd just ignore me, i dunno what to say, except that i cant change myself, and that no matter how hard i may try, i most probably will still try to be your friend and be there for you, cos i live in my memories, and my memories are the dearest to me.

i hate my projects and i dont like my group mates. like hello!!! its a group project so why are we doing everything separately and then just compiling it together? i might as well just do it on my own then you bozos. goodness knows i work better on my own. what? is it so hard to just meet for a few minutes and discuss? i'm not asking you to stay back for a whole day or something, just some time so that we can finish it quickly. and have you ever considered the fact that this is graded, that it adds to our caps? i'm so tired of everything. what's the point of handing in something that you're not satisfied with? and what's with the other group? why is it that every single time we meet there's only half of us there. i dont even know if everyone knows that we have a meeting before school tomorrow. obviously, you dont care.

and what's with the haze indonesia? its making me get a headache every time i step out of the house. it had better go down soon before all of us here die of smoke inhalation.

and finally, i hate getting sick at this time. hello?? i've got no time to be sick! this sickening slight fever had better not get worse and i wish i'd stop having a running nose!! it sucks not being able to breathe properly.

i cant wait for dikir to start!!! though there's another problem there but i'm not gonna get myself worked up over it now. there's just no point in making myself lose sleep over it. which i'm supposed to be doing now. i HATE myself.

inilah aku

1:15 am