met nadzirah yesterday, in the mrt while i was on my way to orchard with my sis. had only a short talk with her due to the fact that we only saw each other about one stop before i had to get off the train. didn't recognize her at first, havent seen her for so long that i couldnt remember who she was... which was rather sad actually, kinda goes to show how close me n my socalled friends are... never seeing them till a looong time has passed, never keeping in touch with them even if i have their numbers and see them on msn... its not that i don't want to, its just that i don't know if i should. i'm not an outgoing person, so making friends in the first place is already hard for me. most of the people i know were introduced to me by someone else, and so i've never really made any good lasting friendship with anyone, never had a close friend to share all my problems with, never had a good friend to just be crazy with. not a single one of my friends know my real personality. i don't know why i hold back all the time, i think i fear rejection too much, fear letting people know who i am in case they reject friendship from the real me. rejection's the reason why i don't do many things, and in the end i'm the one who suffers because of it. but its just a fear that i cannot control, and a fear that i cannot eliminate. and so i just let it go on torturing me, clouding my mind and making fears of my dreams. just another reason for me to hate myself, for being such a cowardly person.
aaargh shut up already.
5 more days to endure. then we'll see the outcome. should i still join?
we'll see.
inilah aku
1:31 am
About Me.
hazwany
17121987
female obviously
HGS.TKGS.MJC.NUS
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Wishlist.
Happiness
ipod nano
a new radio
new clothes, bags and shoes :p
to lose most of my insecurities